Valentine’s Day: From (married) woman to (single) woman — what I wish I’d known about love

After 8 years of marriage and three children, Valentine’s Day is not what it used to be – it’s better, richer, honest. More than a celebration of love; it’s a re-calibration of purpose. When I was a single woman that’s something I never thought I would say. Love is nothing without action and marriage can only thrive if both partners are dedicated to not only saying, “I love you,” but doing it – every, single day. That doesn’t mean rose petals and champagne; it means a willingness to love your partner even in the absence of romance, aligning your dreams with theirs and realizing that “forever” is not some abstract concept on a Valentine’s Day card but a day-to-day process that takes strength and patience.

In light of the fact that I went into marriage expecting moonbeams and stardust on Tuesdays, I decided to share with women out there who are considering marriage — because, let’s be honest, it’s not for everyone — a list of things I’ve learned as I continuously strive to be a better partner.

1. Being friends first is not a cliché.
If you are not friends with your spouse before you get married, you are in for a rude awakening. There will be days that romance is just not a high priority. That’s not a bad thing; it’s a life thing. You have to enjoy making each other laugh and you have to want to spend time with your partner outside of a bedroom, or a floor, or the bathtub – whatever floats your boat. If you don’t genuinely care about their well-being or sincerely like them as a person, your relationship will sink faster than the Titanic at the first iceberg life throws your way.

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