Dr. Boyce: So, Gabby’s Dad Was a Deadbeat After All? Interesting…..
by Dr. Boyce Watkins, KultureKritic.com
The debate about Olympic Champion Gabby Douglas and her father Timothy continues. A recent article in Newsone questions whether or not Douglas was there for his daughter or not, and there are other reports stating that Timothy Douglas was not the doting father that he appeared to be when showing up to cheer his daughter on at the Olympic Trials.
“There’s a feeling that you can’t describe,” the elder Douglas told USA Today after the reunion. “I just missed her so much.
“There’s an exuberance,” he continued. “Sometimes, when she had a rough time, I’d tell her to hang in there. ‘You know what it takes to be a winner, you know what your goals are. You just keep on your goals.’ Some things that I tell her I have to remind myself. Those are all things we can all abide by.”
The father’s portrayal of the relationship doesn’t match the one being reported by some media outlets who’ve quoted Gabby as saying a bit of the opposite.
“It was really hard for us growing up—my dad had left us, so he wasn’t really in the picture anymore,” Gabby said to the New York Post. “So my mom had to front all these bills. My dad didn’t really pay the child support. He was short [on money]. It was definitely hard on her part, and she had to take care of me and the rest of my siblings.”
Clearly, these quotes imply that all was not well in the Douglas household. It may have indeed been the case that Timothy Douglas was negligent in his responsibilities, and left his family to suffer and die. At least that’s the story that media would like for us to believe about black men in general….we all hate our children.
But one thing I’ve learned as an 18-year veteran of the Child support system is that all is not what it appears to be when it comes to raising children. Often, people misinterpret the father living someplace else to mean that he doesn’t care. They might also interpret his financial struggles to mean that he doesn’t want to pay child support. All the while, the legal system doesn’t question what the custodial parent (usually the mom) does with her own money or require her to come up with a monthly dollar amount to prove her love for her children.
While Gabby has become the defacto media authority on all of the subtle dynamics of her parents’ relationship, I would argue that it is quite possible that a 16-year old child might be a bit biased by her mother’s point of view. Her parents were divorced when she was young, and her mother’s disappointment in a failed marriage may have led her to say things about Gabby’s dad that biased her opinion at an early age. While a father can do all that he can to give an alternative point of view, I can say from experience that it’s d**n near impossible to get a child to see you in a manner that is different from the image that has been painted for her every single day of her life.
Perhaps I am wrong on this, but from what I understand, it’s not nearly as difficult to collect child support from members of the United States Airforce as it might be for regular citizens. The parents are easy to find and wages can be garnished. So, the claim that Gabby’s dad “didn’t want to pay child support” might be countered by the possibility that her father (similar to her mom) had financial challenges that made it difficult for him to pay child support every month. If it’s not a crime for Gabby’s mom to declare bankruptcy (as she did), then it’s not a crime for her father to struggle financially.
I am not here to say that Timothy Douglas was a model father or perfect citizen. I am here to say that in most failed relationships, there are two parties that both make decisions. The tired narrative of every black man abandoning his kids like an animal in the woods doesn’t apply to most of us, for we are every bit as capable of loving our children as anyone else. Also, every mother who keeps her kids in the household is not an automatic superhero. Some are just as flawed as the men with whom they chose to procreate – that’s why they chose to sleep with these men in the first place.
Perhaps instead of believing what we are told to believe, we should think about things logically. Gabby is a kid with a biased perspective who (like most of us) knows very little about the inner workings of her parents’ relationship. She only knows that her dad wasn’t in the household and that her family struggled financially. She probably didn’t see the checks that were coming to her mother to pay living expenses for the home, and she doesn’t know who caused the divorce that ripped her family apart. All she knows is that it was tough growing up because things didn’t work out with her parents and that the judge gave custody to her mom. That hardly, in any state of the world, proves that Timothy Douglas never loved his child. After all, he did fly 10,000 miles to see her.
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a professor at Syracuse University and founder of the Your Black World Coalition. To have Dr. Boyce commentary delivered to your email, please click here.
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Black folks rarely want to give single mothers credit where credit is due. It’s a shame. Now you want to discredit what Gabby says as some emotional traumatic form of unhealthy loyalty. Gabby lived it, and lives through it everyday.
No matter how badly you want to brother to have been around if he wasn’t he just wasn’t. When a woman is raising children on her own and has financial issues she does not have a choice as to whether she clothes, house, or feed those children. The father does, he just simply says “I don’t have it.” Where as the mother has to have it.
maybe the mother didn’t have money for clothes, food, etc. but she made sure her hair was did-up everytime i saw on on tv during the olympics…just saying!
There you go with that ‘hair’ mess again! What kind of moron are you ? What idiots like you might not know is that not all women pay to get their hair done. Those of us who can’t afford it have learned to do their own hair. And after lots of practice, many of us are pretty d**n good at it.
Did you notice that Gabby’s father had a nice hair cut? Do you suppose he cuts his own hair, azzhole ?
Some of the “black folk” you refer to would just as well spit on another than say hello! There are more than 45 million of us here and millions were doomed out of the starting gates, merely because they were born from a long line, whom were ranked and shut down before their births or on arrival!
Many “blacks” today are still ill-equipped to deal with this kind of dog-eat-dog ‘white-dominant’ social-structure and those that are, (though you can’t tell them) are actually not mentally stable, and do not understand the nature of the beast in which they were born into the belly. We are part of something that has no intrinsic love for us “black folks”! We strive to survive, and we learn from the descendants and offspring of our ancestor’s enlslavers, torturer’s, rapists, murderers, and overall abusers. We sit around and talk about it like it’s all over, and everything is fine now. We are victims and we are suffering from mass Stockholm Syndrome among many other negative psychological conditions! We can’t criticize or claim major compensation (reparations) from our constant abusers because they will not allow us the necessary power and representation to do so! That’s right they will not allow us!
So we are literally left confused, assimilated, and praising the fictitious “God” of a the conquering hoards who stole this country, murdered the indigenous people, and with great audacity, stole our ancestors from far away Africa to brutalize any way they wanted to. Today they still brutalize us at whim, and most of us will not listen to logic, will not realize our actual condition and are happy to believe in things that are not logical or of actual reality! Our most ignorant believe in things that generally “whites” believe. In that lies part of our problem!
With this in mind think about how we rant and rave about how “some black folk” are this or that. We (all of us) are that “some black folk”! We can consider ourselves “the lost tribe of Africa”. The lost and confused tribe of Africa that is! We have no language of our own, no religious beliefs of our own, no culture of our own, no traditions of our own, and no country of our own. Logic follows that eventually the “whites” will conspire to end our stay here and we will be ill-prepared to withstand their vicious, vile, conniving, scheming, hateful scourge. We have never been prepared for anything substantial and in the fashion we are existing, we never will!
well said, brother.
Ooops! I think Dr. Watkins spoke too early. Perhaps he should have done some investigation. Other sites have found the arrest record of Gabby’s father on March 8th of this year!!!!!!
Apparently he was a dead beat dad. And worse, he was charged with contriuting to the deliquency of a minor—not his own child!!!
There’s a whole lot of other negative info on this man.
Queen Gabby’s father IS IN HER LIFE! He is in the service; therefore, he can’t communicate with her like he wish he could.
This racist media always projects ALL Black men NEGATIVELY. Do y’all read and research information for yourselves? Do you beLIEve everything these racist caucasoids say about Black men, women and children?
THERE ARE MORE DEADBEAT CRACKERS THAN BLACK ONES; THE MEDIA DOES NOT PUT THIS ON THEIR NEWS OUTLETS!!!
Wake up and stop beLIEving these lying a*s serpents. Her Dad is in her life; he’s a soldier!!!
Remember when our people were enslaved, the slave maker would BEAT and stomp a newborn baby unti it was DEAD. He would cut it from the womb of the Black woman, while she was hanging from a tree.
These caucasoids are the real DEAD BEAT animals on the planet!!!
ditto
I am going to recommend that Gabby have a sit down with Marion Jones of Muhammad Ali or any number of our phenomenal athletes who made history and found haters. Analyze her dedication. Fifteen minutes of fame and everyone jumps on the bandwagon to dissect her family. The title of the article is intentionally “sensational” when the real issue is that whoever did whatever or didn’t this young lady made history and deserves respect not dissection.
Why is mediea trying to destroy what this young lady has done for her country. First they talk about her hair then they bring up her mother finacial sittuation and now their talking about her father. Shame on you USA. This young lady should be praised for what she has done for this country her personal life should not be the subject of the olympics. Why aren’t they say negative things about the other young ladies. What are you going to say next that she should be striped of her GOLD MEDOWS because she is BLACK. If this young lady were white none of this stuff would be said. SHAME ON YOU USA
Because in today’s USA, they are mad because a Black man is sitting in the White House, therefore they feel the need to destroy and demean anything a Black person does. It’s ridiculo,, shameful, and vile, but then again, that is what the White man is, has, and always will be .
That statement sounds retarded…… Why in the h**l would white folk be upset and they are the ones that placed that uncle tom in office……lol… You take a census on how many blacks have an electoral vote……learn your politics…….and Obama dances when they say dance. Obama is a figure head he’s no advocate for the poor uneducated masses of blacks that are just barely making it….. At least when there is a white president we know not to expect equality but this uncle tom has you ignorant blacks believe he’s on your side…he bailed out all the white slave masters corporations tho……
STFU !!
Seriously…let me help you out on this one Dr. Boyce. FIRST – Its not your d**n business WHAT their relationship is. You always want to jump in a nd comment based on YOUR experiences. If she says he was not there for her then why are you wasting so much time to discredit HER. Her feelings are her feelings and SECOND – what makes you an authority on dead beat dads. Is it bacuase YOU ARE ONE!… You really need to interject a little REAL NEWS in your commentary instead of hating all the time. It has gotten boring.
That young lady and her mom did their thing. He wasnt there, you were not there and the media was not there so stop trying to read into nothing. You always preaching about the BLACK MAN, but instead you act like a HENNY. GOSSIPING, accusing, portraying and judging. THIRD – She may 16 but she has a very mature mind to have made it where she has. Can you say the same. MAN….STOP BEING TO PETTY.. EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU!…d**n!!!!
Amen Anita!! The voice of the black community that spreads rumors before veting a situation. I once looked up to Dr. Boyce until i became a member of this forum and would see often that Boyce gossips more about black folk than white America…but were united?
Lisa I do understand your point of view, but just as you state that the reported discredited Gabby, you do not know if he is correct or not. Two people marry, two people divorce, if it’s not you, then you do not know the reason. Being the spouse of a Retired Soldier and a Retired Civil Service employee that worked in Finance for 16 years. I can tell you if he was military and her mother did what she was entitled to do, she got Child Support. Stop blaming the men all the time. Maybe he did not get to spend as much time with his child because of his job, maybe she had other children, we do not know. Let it be their situation because we do not know. 2 sides to every story.
No one is trying to demonize the father, he can do that himself. Yes, there has always been two sides to every story and to brush aside what the mother may or may not have done is irrelevant. What is important is how Gabby has turned out. The father mentioned how he talked to his daughter but not how he helped share the burden of finances so she could reach her dreams. Not once did he say in that interview that he didn’t want his daughter to leave home and move to Iowa. You sir would be surprised to note how much children see things and understand what is going on around them. They may not be able to articulate them as well as Gabby, but they have an understanding. Gabby spoke the unvarnished truth about her father and his dynamics within the family, no more no less and she still loves him. That is a credit to her mother.
I’m with Lisa and victoria on this one Dr boyce. U r all the way wrong. This article is full of c**p, disrespectful. And should not have been written. I’m so freakin disappointed and upset that u would discredit this child and her mother. Flat out Blasphemy!
Dr. Boyce is starting to really get on my nerves! He claims to be about his race but all he does is hate on ppl! Why do you have to be apart of the media that writes this shyt!!! Why do you have to focus on the negative?! Sick of your a*s…so gotdamn high and mighty and always looking down on ppl!!!!!!! Karma is a bytch and yours is coming!!!! Focus on what she and her mother have accomplished why dont you!!!!!!!!!!!! Assh*le!!!!!
Truly, it’s none of our business. Shame on anyone who would ask this young champion about her family’s personal life.
Lisa Ann COMPLETELY missed the point and clearly biased her reading to the points she wanted to oppose.
And in the process we CONTINUE to have kids who only know half the story and a judicial system that prefers maternal custody unless the mom is half dead or a crack addict.
It’s a shame.
Well said.
Look at all the cats who have come out to claw at the good doctor for pointing out the obvious, we do not have all the facts and Gab by may not have all the facts. Any one who has served in the military knows that will garnish your check in a hot minute to pay bills, they do not play when it comes to paying court ordered child support. I am also sure that military health insurance for Gabby provided by her dad, a full time active duty member of the military.
If the parents were split up or the mother made a decision not to go were the Air Force stationed Mr. Douglass, then of course he would not be around. Being forced to deploy all over the world to places you can not take your family, is not the same as “abandoning” your family.
What is there some kind of “single mommies” fraternity or something. A bunch of bitter black women out to destroy the image of the black males because their relationship failed or they had a one night stand resulting in a child. I am a single father who raised two daughters since getting custody of them while they were in 1st and 2nd grade, but I do not seek opportunities to point out how many crack headed “single mommies” out there are losing custody of children to the fathers.
Thanks for the objective and insightful article Dr. Boyce.
Thank you, thank you, because frankly that’s what is sounds like, a bunch of bitter people. I too was in the Military, and if he was not paying, and the mother went to Court they will garnish that check immediately. The Military does not play that.
Amazing, you continue to push the same message as your first really, even after quoting what Gabby said, now you are going to say you know better than she, because at 16 she is not wise enough to know what goes on in her out.
Like I said before, it is none of our business and you and I do not know their story. Get over it. There are millions of black men you can preach to that are not doing their jobs; making babies and leaving those babies to be raised by the mom. These women have a right to be angry.
Just because someone was in the military does not make them perfect; he wasn’t there get over it. and that is why the mom did not give him props.
So all you ladies know the true story right? The doctor was simply offering a different and quite insightful point of view but leave it to INDEPENDENT women to see it as a an asault on women so sad that we can’t see the forrest for the trees.
I don’t see what the subject has to do with Gabby or he abilities , Mind Games to confuse her.
This subject only has to do with Gabby because it is a repeat of so many children who are being raised by a single parent who seem to not include income received from a military person (a must by military law) in her conversations with her daughter and then Gabby discussed it with the news media.
Whether Dr. Boyce or all the single mothers have an agenda or not. Could we as BLACK AMERICANS collectively say Thank You GABBY DOUGLAS you made HISTORY and you made us PROUD? THANK YOU for ONCE AGAIN proving that the BLACK PEOPLE can EXCELL in ANYTHING if THEY ARE DEDICATED!!!
DITTO
GABBY WON THE GOLD, WHY IS THE MEDIA DISCUSSING HER FAMILY?
I DON’T HEAR ABOUT PHELPS FAMILY ETC.
In journalism, good news, no matter how good, is not nearly as good as BAD NEWS. We live in a negative world where people like to build up, then tear down, like the the toddler with building blocks.
First, BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO GABBY! We love you and admire your tenacity, fortitude and strength in achieving one of life’s loftiest goals – becoming an Olympic Champion!
Whew! Where do I start about this article?
No one except Gabby’s father and mother knows exactly what happened in their marriage – PERIOD!
In too many instances, the father is pushed out of the home / family by many, many, many factors and often TOTALLY against his wishes and desires. I don’t know of ANY fathers who hate their children so much to the point of abandoning them as is so often portrayed in the media today.
Sometimes, just sometimes (if you can bring yourself to believe it), fathers “exit” very unwillingly simply to try and help make “more normal” (for his children) a very abnormal situation he has no control of whatsoever. Why continue to fight (figuratively) a losing fight in a marriage and continue the pain of your young children.
Upon his exit (for whatever reason) the “System” takes control of both the father and his kids to all of their detriment and total downfall. Mom then assumes absolute power – which corrupts absolutely!
In fully controlling the narrative of what happened in the marriage, she begins to totally trash the father, denigrate him in front of the children (simply to “upgrade” her image and acceptability to the kids, not to mention friends, relatives – especially sisters, who can be very sinister themselves – church members, co-workers and many, many others.
In essence, the kids are literally brainwashed (Parental Alienation Syndrome – Google it) and they begin to hate one of the most important people in their very young lives – their fathers. You doubt it? Check out the irrefutable statistical information about the great importance of fathers in the lives of their children – both boys and girls.
Generally, when a WOMAN decides (too often on her own – e.g. Tom Cruise’s wife) the marriage is too hard / is not working to her complete satisfaction, she unilaterally hits the nuke button and unleashes the court system, court of public opinion (yes, he is a no-good deadbeat, never-ever-did-anything, abusive, philandering, nasty, no-good man), her sisters, her mother and anyone else sick enough (and there are many more than willing to listen and pull out the gasoline can) to keep their eyes on their OWN problems and issues against the poor man who got shoved out away from his children.
Just think about it, one would assume that THERE ARE NO GOOD MEN AT ALL IN OUR SOCIETY.
Hum? Let’s see, often 80-85% of Black children are raised in single parent households. Hum? The vast majority of these households are NOT led by men/Black men. Hum? Then the folk leading these households are women/Black women right? Hum? Given the divorce rate of about 50%, even the balance of the 80-85% of children are subject to being raised in the same single parent households – many of which are too often totally dominated by angry women!
Got it? No? Then let me go farther.
If there are so many no-count, low down dirty men and so many woman/Black women who can’t find a good man, it seems all of these single Black mothers need to START DOING A MUCH BETTER JOB IN RAISING BETTER BLACK BOYS!
However, the nastiness, bitterness, selfishness, deep inner hatred of self (too often this started LONNGG before she met her eventual husband) takes over the mentality of too many – but not all – Black women to the degree she has to have full and total control of all and everything in a marriage giving up nothing in terms of the very, very reasonable compromise that is required in ALL long term relationships.
In the end, no problem! There is a SOLID solution. Get rid of the man, by whatever means necessary and cry the “single mother blues” with a gaggle of destitute kids (a situation which you too often caused as a result of your total selfishness and greed), knowing that society and everyone will shower you with undue sympathy for you and your very sad (too often self-induced) plight.
Yup! He is gone! At this point, it is so easy to scapegoat the man (no matter how good or bad your marriage had been). As you get sympathy for your sad plight, everyone including society as a whole lavishes sympathy on you, thereby, boosting you ego, self-image, very low self-esteem to the sheer detriment, emotional injury and sadness of your own children.
WAR! Thus is what has become divorce, the entire “family” court system, the child support system (actually, a group of jack booted thugs who very efficiently make criminals out of too many hard working men), the blood sucking lawyers, counselors, psychiatrists, group home operators, in-home counselors, welfare workers and scores of others who circle the wounded bodies of the man and his children like a pack of vultures aggressively picking at the rotting flesh of what once was a family.
No, don’t blame the man, don’t blame the woman. Yet, there is certainly enough blame to go around.
Even Proctor & Gamble piled on with their “moms” commercials during the Olympics. The advertising executives could find NOTHING AT ALL to say about fathers as good men in the lives of ANY of the athletes Proctor & Gamble? Such is very, very hard to believe! Unfortunately, this is the media norm today.
Once again, the TOTAL crushing of men, aided and abetted by the dominate media!
Sadly, it is unfortunate that in our society today it is ALWAYS the man who is TOTALLY wrong and did absolutely everything incorrectly then he chooses purposefully leave his family destitute and in a bad way.
It is no wonder more and more men no longer want to commit to the “institution” of marriage of which they have gown to fear and loathe as a result of what they have seen with their own eyes.
ALL men are deadbeat dads – Poppycock!
The Downfall of America!
We are killing ourselves!
STOP IT!!! This is not our business. It is my understanding that if you’re in the armed service, not paying child support or your bills and your creditors or the child’s mother contact the proper people, they will have to pay up.
I understand what the Dr. is writing about because I grew up in that situation. My mother never said anything negative about my father, but never told me about the times he requested my presents for summer vacations. I’m the father of three children and have custody of them. I just appreciate the open thought process the Dr. wrote about concerning the father. But future articles need to have interviews with both parents. Instead of assumptions.
He was or still is in the M<ilitary u can best believe that they child support was beeing paid because the military makes sure that the money comes out of his check he doesnt have to send anything its automatic. I am a female and I believe that some of what Gabby says she believes but i bet that she has heared more than once how her father did nothing to help the family. Why cant we be happy that he showed up to cheer his daughter on and what ever their family problems are or was let them handle among themselves. And I am prior serivce so I do know what I'm talking bout when it comes to them having to pay child support.
Wow really??? How many times have we seen an absentee father show up for the good time?? Maybe if he had helped provide for his children she would not have needed to file for bankruptcy. Since YOU don’t know what he did or didn’t do, you shouldn’t slam her Mother for sticking to it and raising an Olympian. Gabby maybe a 16 year old, but she knows the life she has lived and the abandonment she felt. I know children who’s fathers or mothers live hundreds of miles away from them, but that child doesn’t feel it. He didn’t do that for his children. She didn’t say he didn’t or that he didn’t want to pay, she said he didn’t ALWAYS pay. Sometimes men of all ethnicities make themselves look bad.
I’m amazed at how men defend other men. Just read the comments of the men on this post. As a single mother, I know full well the challenges of raising a child alone day in and day out. These occassional fathers appear sporadically and we’re supposed to be grateful. I find Watkins comments extremely sexist and quick to defend men who can’t be defended. His comments are also profoundly disrespectful to Gabby who knows the life she’s lived with her mother and siblings. Gabby father wasn’t around and he caused them enormous financial hardship. This isn’t a difficult story to believe. Many of us have lived it.
When my son was a young man he was spending some time with me in the summer and he mentioned that his mother told him he could get many of the things he asked for because I never send money. I heard the same thing about my dad growing up. Not only did I pay my child support payments but I sent money everytime his mother told me he needed or wanted something. Gabby only knows what her mother tells her just like I grew up thinking my dad didnt care. Once I got in my late teens and could move about more freely I got to know my dad and he was a great father. My mother was frustrated and blamed him for everything. My sons mother did the same thing to him. Black men love their children it is sometimes not our fault we cannot be around.
Seriously Fred???? “If there are so many no-count, low down dirty men and so many woman/Black women who can’t find a good man, it seems all of these single Black mothers need to START DOING A MUCH BETTER JOB IN RAISING BETTER BLACK BOYS!” My response to that is simply a child should be raised by BOTH parents, there are low-down, dirty, no count men & women, it’s all about the decision making process.
We really need to step away from the blame game. NO ONE HERE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED IN THIS FAMILY, as well we shouldn’t. It is safe to say that there are deadbeat moms and dads in every race. This “article” was more of an editorial, an unnecessary one. the only facts included are the quotes.
Let’s cut the c**p and congratulate the young lady. Whoever raised her did a phenomenal job.
When I read about all of the crooked corporations that have stamped their names on the Olympics and how the Olympic organizers block all attempts by regular citizens to make any money from the Olympics, I shudder at the fact that the Olympics is run on taxpayer money, even when we taxpayers are suffering job losses, and in countries like the UK the poor and working-class are suffering horribly! To sum it all up. The Olympics has become a very abusive and twisted ‘contraption’ that (as usual) the people have no clue as to how harmful and unrepresentative of the common people it is.
Most people only see and hear what the want, and are oblivious to so many facts that if they would listen and learn all at once, their brains might literally implode! The sources of info, and the kind of mental tune-ups the ordinary, somewhat educated populous has, is mediocre at best!
The truth of the matter is that the Olympic tradition is so ingrained into our ignorant mindset that those in charge of it can do almost any (harmful) thing they want and most ignoramus wouldn’t know the difference, and so would continue to celebrate their ignorance like children! I compare it to ignorants celebrating a slight drop in what is surely gouged gas pricing, which only occurred because millions of poor and ‘ignorant’ Iraqis were either murdered or displaced, and their oil rights stolen! Or celebrating a US Olympic medal win, when the US is stealing from it’s poor and giving it to the rich, in our faces!
We live in a very naive, ignorant contradiction of a country full of very confused, sick people with little to no health care and no one in politics with the ability or inclination to actually use our tax dollars to provide for us! What to do? Why lets celebrate the Olympics! And you wonder why we are so low on the totem pole? Practically everyone is insane to varying degrees and in denial!
right again, bro.
Keep talking. This is a important subject and it is our business. We are talking about the destruction of a culture by marginalizing fathers.
When I was in the Air Force, you supported your family court order or no court order. If your commanding officer found out that you were not supporting your children you were ordered to report to the financial officer and fill out a allotment. Plus the mother of the child could apply for and receive a allotment. I knew several old timers whose net pay was less than mine because of the allotment going out to their children.
Plus your children received free medical care. The family was able to shop at the px with substantial savings.
Plus as an attorney of 45 years, both prosecution and private, I had to enforce numerous rights of parents where the custodial parent tried to oust the non-custodial parant from the lives of their children. The cases I supervised where this occured numbered in the tens of thousands. It is so common that the court rountinely order the custodial parent not to demean the other parent in the presence of the child. If the people writing to criticise you on this position would search the web they would find that this behavior is well documented and prevalent.
Keep investigating and reporting. This is our business. I am sad that this issue is clouding the triumph of a great young lady, but she may turn out to be a role model in more than gymnastics.
Dr Boyce W. I believe you have found a useful subject to place on the table for discussion. If we could drop the names of the people involved and keep up the subject we may have an important reason for much of the problem that has plagued “our society”. Several comments have been very good at describing the end result of hatred of the “missing person” in the family structure. It is very hard to resist the temptation to blame someone else for the desperate state that we are in, and when we are lonely we do have a tendency to make the mistake of striking out at the person that we think has caused the problem. At least one of the responses talked about this subject and I hope you find the time to review them and maybe take this opportunity to seek assistance with the educators and leaders to speak more openly about it. It seem to be a subject that need to be approached with less hate and more careful wording to reduce the heat of the subject. Although this matter is being discussed on your comment page it needs to be taken into the churches and schools in a more formal way. Children should have an opportunity to hear about these matters so they might adjust any misdirection that they are being subjected to. Make no mistake this “LIE” takes place in the best of homes as parents struggle for favorable positions with their children. Please find the better comments as they really point out a systemic generational problem of mothers raising boys under the most unfavorable conditions. No father at home, multiple fathers of children in the home, multiple male visitations to the home of single mothers with children with no father of their own. All realities and then we expect the children to be “normal”! Please, unless the churches are going to donate tons of money lets us not talk about children sinning when the fail. I am sure that even though we are talking about boys and men the problem is the same for the girls and women.
No one’s business? This girl’s mother has been on t.v all week discrediting the father! My mother has always taught us that some things are just inappropriate in front of company and what the mom has been saying fits the bill! I highly doubt that this man was serving in the military and his family received no support, I just don’t buy it! If Gabby and her mom want people to respect their privacy than they should keep their mouths shut! She is only 16 her position on her dad has changed in a matter of a few days. She is only following her mother’s le, doing what makes the mom happy. She shouldnt even be involved. Her relationship with her dad has nothing to do with what’s going on with her parents. Black Women need to stop interfering with kids and their father. When its over its over!
People have talked negative about this child since she won. This is awful coming from the Black community. Which costed her, her last medal. I am ashmed of everyone who has did this angel like this. she is not as strong and mature as Serena. She knows how your own people can hurt you the most. Why did up bones on her family ? Why ? Believe me her father has created his own h**l for himself. This is simply awful. Use the web and let this girl (sister) know what an “ANGEL” she is.
what Gabby nor her mother can tell you are the numerous times Timothy sought gainfull employment for jobs he was more than qualified for inorder to send more money to his kids only to have a white person or black female of lesser qualifications to be chosen over him, this has been my and many other well educated Black men’s experiances.Please dont forget to factor that in cause whether you want t o acknowlege it or not, racism and sexism are two monsters that are still stalking the streets and black males are oftentimes their victims
well said Lisa Ann MASON,AS A MOM AND GRANDMA,
I HAD THREE JOBS TO SEND MY DAUGHTER TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL AND KEEP MY SON IN CHALLENGERS BOYS AND GIRLS CLUB ,SUMMER CAMP,AND THEIR FATHER OWNED A CONSTRUCTION COMPANY AND I NEVER GOT ONE RED CENT IN SUPPORT,THE ORDER WAS IN PLACE ,BUT LOUISIANA NEVER ENFORCED IT..SO I FEEL THE PAIN AND SAW THE PAIN MY CHILDREN ENDURED,BUT I NEVER SPOKE BADLY OF HIM AND STILL THE LINE OF COMMUNICATION OPEN. BUT I DON’T WANT TO JUDGE THE FATHER..BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS…
The media reported that Gabby’s dad is a member of The Air National Guard/Reserves. Meaning that he was not a full time member serving in the military. What was he doing between his weekend obligation and 1 month out of the year service to The Air Force Reserves,,? Did he have a fulltime job..? Did he give Gabby emotional support…? Gabby is now a national hero public figure and her life is now an open book. Knowing White racist America, the media and powers that be, will use whatever dirt on Gabby’s father to put all Blackmen down as dead beat fathers……..And I am sure, that her White foster family and Asia teacher, will get all the credit for making her a great gymnast and the intelligent articulate young lady she has become. While Black people will talk negative about her hair…what a shame..!
..
Lolo Jones did not win a medal, but because of her mixed race good looks, she will get the media, the talk shows, the endorsements and the high paying, high profile corporate jobs, a possible reality show, movie parts and a book deal,etc,. In racist White America, even losers are winners if they fit the right image……
I bet the “good” doctor wouldn’t make these same comments on Shaq and Dennis Rodman’s natural fathers. Don’t assume just because she’s 16 years old, she doesn’t understand who foot the bills, made sacrifices and who gave her consist moral support. Being there when a “child” has reached a goal, isn’t the same as being there for the years that lead up to achieving these goals.
Dee,
Spot on!
When women speak out about their home land neglected by their husbands it is ashamed that they are considered bitter. I have learned in this life during my marriage to a deacon turned preacher that he can cause all type of h**l in our home to which our child was a witness and the world would call me bitter is dreadful. Gabby should be enjoying this season of her life for which she has worked so hard for. If her mother made the sacrifices for Gabby to reach this pinnacle I’m certain that at least 4 people know the truth- The mother, father, Gabby, and God.
Those fathers who have supported their children, that is what they were suppose to do. We do not deserve gold stars for carrying out our role as parents. Children are intelligent. They see who is there for them. They know who extends love to them. They have sense enough to know who spends time with them. They see who’s making the sacrifices so why should we assume they do not know what they are talking about when they speak out about their home life. Are they bitter as well?
The truth is all of my child’s life I had to be both mother and father even with my husband in our home. I tried going to our church for help and like you they called me a bitter woman. The truth is the truth and no one should have to suffer abuse and neglect in their own home and then have the world decide they cannot be telling the truth. Let me just say that there is a difference between bitterness and brokenness.
Gabby and her mother might have some tender spots from the pain they have suffered but I doubt that Gabby or her mother are bitter. I just saw them on ABC and though Gabby stated that her dad came at the last moment She and her mom were quite joyous.
Gabby is a Winner! She is an Asset to her Country and her Family. Why are the Haters and Envious People making such Negative Comments about her family? I’m certain other white families have bankruptcy and divorce issues galore in their families,which is never mentioned. African Americans are Brilliant,Talented and Gifted. We enjoy articles that are Relevant,Uplifting and Afro-Centric,we become fortified against the intended negative,derogatory affects of the predominately negative characterization that are frequently directed towards The African American Community by The White Controlled Media. We strive for Our Own Black Media to State and Claim our cause that are Vital to the Survival of our people. The Black Family,The Black Church,Black Business,Black Schools and The Black Media.
Ok, I’ve heard enough about how the military will garnish a soldier’s pay for court ordered child support. I’ve served over 20 years in the Air Force and I’ve had to go through the legal system to get child support so I know it’s not as easy as most people think. Secondly, Gabby’s dad is a reservist and therefore he doesn’t’ have as many benefits as his active duty Airmen. This definitely impacts the benefits his dependents are entitled to. Lastly, please stop this drama about Gabby and her family. I’m extremely proud of Gabby and her accomplishments. Likewise, I’m just as proud of Gabby’s mother and the fine job she’s done raising such a God fearing, grounded, motivated, strong, focused and intelligent young lady.
why are we out to make Gabby dad a bad man we should be embracing her for what she has accomplish not look at there
life style which has fail pary to what most African American or
going thu in this country . CHILD SUPPORT LAWS is a white
man law that has did nothing to improve our life. Child Support
Laws is Jim Crow in the 21 centary . It is a form of warfare on
African American depressing poverty. The white man under
Child Support Laws has made her slave willing accomplice in their own extermination. I don’t want to hear any thing about a Dead Beat Dad I want to hear about Economic Realities such as
Black unemployment rate 16 percent. Black poverty rate 25.8
percent and growing 1.1 million blacks will lose their home between
2009 and 2012 . Our children or dying in the street . A black women in the court room allowing the white system to manipulate
her in to saying that her black man an’t no good which is the same black man that God and her put on this earth you should be ashame in the face of God Under America Economic system
African American has never been given equal opportunty only Economic Stagnation.
Wizard G,
You are one of the WISE among US. Keep dropping that powerful knowledge on US.
Peace Be Unto You
Dr. Boyce: Sounds to me that you know too much about dead beat dads not to have been one yourself. Your statement: “Perhaps instead of believing what we are told to believe, we should think about things logically. Gabby is a kid with a biased perspective who (like most of us) knows very little about the inner workings of her parents’ relationship. She only knows that her dad wasn’t in the household and that her family struggled financially. She probably didn’t see the checks that were coming to her mother to pay living expenses for the home, and she doesn’t know who caused the divorce that ripped her family apart.” is just plain stupid.
A 16 year old knows when her mother has to pay bills by herself and the absence of her father. Men like to accuse women of ‘turning children’s fathers against them’ but it is natural for kids to love their parents – BOTH parents. Even when that parent mistreats the child, most of the time that love is still there. If that parent has shown you love, there is no way ANYONE can turn that child against you.
So stop trying to defend dead beat dads for ANY reason. When a child needs clothes or food or shelter or a good education, the parent that has custody must provide it – whether or not the non-custodial parent helps. So spare me your ‘we don’t know what circumstances the father was in”. TOO d**n BAD. Usually, the difference between a custodial parent (usually the mother) and a non-custodial parent (usually the father) is that when you ask a non-custodial parent for something that you need and they don’t have it, they say that they don’t have it and go on with their life. When you ask a custodial parent for something you need and they don’t have it, they must (and will) find a way to get it for you.
So stop trying to whitewash your past as a deadbeat dad (or non-custodial parent). IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Sadly, too many African American women have brought into the “White Feminist Agenda” in completely forgetting about their historical role as the glue that held African American families together – despite having ALL of the odds against our success as solid God fearing men, women, families and communities.
The history of this country is replete with the “tradition” of both the total castigation and castration (literally and figuratively) of both African American men and boys. Out in the country where I grew up, when you saw a snake, the “tradition” was to chop its head off. Once done, the body would continue to wiggle until sun down then wither and eventually die. Once the head was gone, that was the end of the snake!
In this same “tradition” many (white folk) know that to “kill” African American families, churches and communities, first you “kill” the man, and then watch the remainder of the family wither and die a very slow death.
Sadly, too many African American women – despite their “intelligence” and education (or lack thereof) don’t have a clue they are but pawns that are being totally manipulated by today’s media (TV, lyrics of songs, trashy stage plays, “romance” novels, the Judge shows, the OWN Network and “Housewives” shows – to name a few). Once you are in court in front of the Judge (often old, white and very biased) along with your FREE Legal Aid lawyer – the death of your family is set.
Too often, the death of your family was caused by your MOUTH in gossiping to your girlfriends, siblings, mother, co-worker on the phone talking about your marriage and relationship. Look, once in a relationship / marriage, it’s YOU and YOUR SPOUSE against the world. Misery has ALWAYS loved company! The folk around you who are miserable, their primary goal is to make sure you are miserable as well. The doom of too many marriages and relationships has been initiated by your “friends” who really are not friends, but your real enemies.
Relationships (romantic, friendships and among siblings), families, commitment, dedication, discipline and tenacity have ALWAYS been very difficult. Hey African American man and woman – YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. The only difference today is that we are so stupid to fall for the games the systems play with our families.
Want proof? Read this true story written by a (NOW) very remorseful woman.
Wake up and smell the coffee!!!
As I write this, I am aware that I am probably going to offend some readers, but, then again, I have found that we in society are afraid and not accepting of the truth, therefore taking offense. I cannot apologize for what I am about to say, however I can only hope to attempt to undo the wrong that I have done.
To start with, here is a little bit about myself. Before I was married, I was an extreme feminist, with the hopes and dreams of equality, having the same thoughts and beliefs as others in the fight for true equality. It wasn’t like the feminists of today, who only want to gain complete control, power, and to have revenge, destroying everything that the true feminists have fought so hard for (true gender equality). It is my hope that by posting my story and comments, that it will encourage other women, (we/you know who you are), to come forward and to tell the truth about themselves and their experience. Here is my story, as shameful as it may be.
I am a single mother of two. When I decided to leave my marriage, (I was bored), I went to three different lawyers for advice. I was asked by all 3 of them if I was ever abused by my husband. My answer was, never in any way shape or form was my husband abusive towards me. To my utter disbelief, all of them told me the same thing. Unless I accused my husband of abuse, I would not gain sole custody of my children. They also told me that by making these allegations against him, that I would get EVERYTHING and more. When I asked them how we would prove the allegations, I was told that the courts don’t require proof, and to go to a women’s shelter (or YWCA), and that they would help me, and that it would support my allegations of abuse.
Having been brought up in a very religious family, I was very uncomfortable with this advice. I was then told by the lawyers, that if I wanted the full support of legal aid, I had no choice but to make the allegations against my husband. Having no money to pay for legal expenses, I did as I was advised. Reluctantly I took my children to a women’s shelter. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. On the outside, it appears as they want the public and their funders to see it. This is however, far from the truth.
This place was a form of a cult, (for lack of a better term). Male bashing was a top priority, and the administration was very adamant about recruiting yet another woman (me), to join this man-haters club. They even have a game plan on how to win in court. By following their simple plan step by step, I would not only get sole custody of my children, but also the car, house and land, plus finances for the rest of my life.
However, if I did not follow their game plan, but if I played fairly, I would lose everything, and I would be endangering the lives of other women, and would jeopardize any funding for them. The administration must have noticed that their brain washing techniques was not working as fast as they wanted, so I was ‘thrown’ at the other women staying there.
Terms such as ‘sperm donors’, and that all men were abusive and must die, were used on a daily basis. They were very convincing, and not wanting to jeopardize my fellow house mates, I went along with their game plan.
As soon as I said that I would follow their game plan, things moved very quickly. I saw the man that I was once married to destroyed emotionally, financially and physically. I was granted sole custody of our children, and because of a restraining order, I gained the house and car, so that our children wouldn’t lose everything that they were used to.
Not only was there a restraining order against him, he was also charged with assault. The man who had equally created our children, helped raise them, and who loves them dearly, was ordered to stay away from them, and to pay me, (more than I ever needed), support for them. Like I said, I destroyed him, leaving him with very little to survive.
My brother is now going through a custody battle, where my former sister-in-law is playing exactly the same game that was taught to me by a women’s shelter, and my brother is in the same shoes that I once put my ex in.
Knowing how I destroyed my ex, and seeing the wrong that I had committed, I have made it my personal endeavor to help my brother with his fight. He recently joined a men’s group, and he receives messages on the net from shared parenting, epoc_news etc.
As he was thrown out of his home, he now lives with me, which gives me the opportunity to read the messages from these groups. I must admit, sometimes there is a message or two that is of great help, but for the most part, these groups have to stop playing ‘Mr. Nice Guy’.
This is SO SUCH A NON-ISSUE!
Shame on you Boyce for this NONSENSE!!!
As a retired military person (U S Navy,) I find it difficult to believe that this man, being in the military, did not have an allotment going to his family…if he didn’t, Gabby’s mother could and should have contacted his commanding officer and he would have been ordered make an allotment of money to be sent to his family…along with the subsistence pay that is added to his check, for his family…maybe that didn’t happen…Ah’m jus’ sayin’……In either case, this family’s economic situation should NOT be everybodys business. We all have contributed toward making this young lady’s magnicent accomplishment into a complete circus…let it go! For Gabby’s sake…
Maybe if he (Mr. Douglass) was not a ‘disappearing act’ Gabby could form her “own picture” of her birth father’s intentions as a provider. But since there hadn’t been contact between the two.. Well, lets just say it looks pretty clear to me…And by the way my dear Dr. Watkins…. not all moms speak ill of absent fathers… the children witness prayers for and empathy for those fathers who fail to see the light about the role they need to play in their children’s lives… Thanks for initiating this dialog…